Cookie Lyons on Communications

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Communications tool of the month

Cookie Lyons on listening, if you watch Empire you know she is serious about her children.

You may have seen through how she interacts with them and sometimes she event say that listening to your child is a form of respect. Listening not to reply and get your point across but listening to truly understand and help your child build the future that is right for them. How many times have you heard what was being said and you jumped to the conclusion and results you desire for the situation. That is not listening at all. That is hearing and positioning to pounce.

 

Listening is a discipline and demands that you pay attention with all FIVE SENSES and give  your undivided attention. No cell phone, no television, no podcast, no cooking, no nothing when you are involved in conversations that really matter. Creating CONNECTION is what you want when you communicate with anyone especially your daughter. You listen with your body by leaning forward and looking at your daughter while she is speaking. Modeling this skill of active listening is truly a gift you are giving your daughter. By observing you use this skill with her and others she will begin to develop her own style of actively listening. You might notice her use the skill with you to deepen her communication with you and others to create  opportunities.

 

Listening may also require you to give feedback without judgement. No judgement through your eyes, your facial expressions or your words. There are conversations you have had in the not so distant past and conversations you know are coming that may cause you to have an uneasy feeling within but for a deeper connection be disciplined about giving judgement free feedback. Listen for her concerns some of which she will voice and some you will share at the appropriate time because you have more experience. Travel alone on mass transit, going out with friends, dating, time management, money management, health concerns or driving you know they all require a compassionate  tone to create a safe space for connection to take place.

 

You an I both know there will be time you have to let her know it is “big girl talk time” a term a friend shared with me when she got her daughter her first car.  Sharing at the appropriate time your key concerns and aligning them with all of the desires she has for herself makes “big girl talk time” a little easier.  Sharing about how you felt at a  similar  time in your life might be nice but remember to keep the light shining on her and her needs. She is the star.

 

If you would like to elevate your communication skills in general and use those same skills to ease tensions in your conversations with your daughter shoot me an email at biggirlconversations@gmail.com we can schedule a complementary 30-minute Big Girl Conversations Discovery Session.

Real communication is a must for Living One Jazzy Life

Janice