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3 Tips on talking to your daughter about social media

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do you know what app this is?

What I have learned over the past few weeks about social media is that people are not telling the whole truth about how they use these platforms or what is really going on once connecting within the platform. Take a minute and think about your social media usage, what are you posting?

You don’t have to tell me but you know employers find ways to view your accounts if they are considering hiring you for a position.

Tip # 1

Talk with her about paying attention to what she is doing at all times because her future depends impart on how she communicates in these digital spaces. If your daughter has a bunch of sexually explicit pictures and pictures of herself falling over drunk on these platforms this may be detrimental to her as she transitions to college and the work force, and not to mention just plain embarrassing.

While researching I discovered there were dating app’s where a twelve year old child could end up talking to a thirty year old person, that creeped me out. These online spaces are the new places that teens and tweens are beginning to explore everything and anything. Like any person with a brain I began to wonder if these sites were legal and who is on these sites protecting our children. The answer there is nobody, remember that the internet is the wild, wild, west and these quasi teen social media sites like YELLOW might be trouble.

Tip #2

Talk with your child early and often about who she is friends with and what she is posting because you honestly don’t know who is on the other side of the computer. To make this conversation easier ask her to teach you something about one of the sites you less familiar with that she is using.

Did you know teen girls use social media chat groups to freely  talk about issues like suicide, consent, eating disorders and mental health , which I guess is good, but these groups are not monitored by a trained professionals. I am around girls and Mom’s enough to know that every Mom would want to direct their child to a skilled professional if they were seeking support form another teenager on these important topics. Many communities form in the digital space and these spaces form movements like #metoo, #timesup,#and #parkland, STAY WOKE to what your daughter is into. These are spaces where she can learn to create content and collaborate with others.

Tip #3

Look for #sue which is short for suicide, #deb which is used when referencing depression, #svv which is about severe harming behavior. If you notice these hashtags act with confidence  and begin the conversation by asking her if this is how she is feeling or someone she knows. Then follow up depending on her answers with your pediatrician. These feeling are real in our young people, take them seriously.

The long and short of social media is that it is here to stay and you Mom are Chief Social Media Mentor and it is up to you to help your daughter communicate a healthy positive online presence within these digital platforms.

Just add this on to all your other Mom duties.


If you have run out of ideas on how to begin and end these important “Big Girl Conversations” and would like some support reach out to me and we can schedule a FREE  30 minute “Big Girl Conversation Discovery Session”




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The little conversations communicate the path.

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Better Make Room, Reach Higher, Let’s Move, and College Signing Day are just a few of the campaigns that Michelle Obama was the champion of during her years as Frist Lady. By looking at these campaigns she has communicated education, eating healthy and exercising are points that she feels are keys to success.

What are you communicating to your daughter that is important to you?

  • Is it that she develops good study habits?
  • Is it that she gets good grades?
  • Is it that she be the best dressed?
  • Is it that she be skinny?
  • Is it that she is compassionate and kind to others?
  • Is it that she believes in God? 

The good news is that there is no right answer to this question, it is only for you to examine how you feel on the inside to ensure it is in alignment with your actions.

Now I know you may not have the platform nor the resources of Michelle Obama however, you are the first and most important person in your daughter’s life. Does your daughter know that you expect her to graduate from college?  I guarantee you that Michelle’s daughters knew long before they got to the White house that it was expected of them to graduate from college, not just go because of all the little conversations she has had with them since the day they were born.

Communicating a path towards whatever dream your daughter has is why discussing less screen time, eating a healthy diet, exercise and conversations about independence are important. It is imperative that you learn to channel your inner Michelle Obama and be authentic with your communication with your daughter. If you see her grades are slipping and you can see that she is not managing her time properly, it is time for a “Big Girl Conversation” about time management.

While having dinner with a friend the other day she was sharing with me the path she has mapped out with her daughter’s input for her to go to high school and college. Her daughter is interested in arts so Mom found an acting class that fit well with her school activities and she just landed a role in an Off-Broadway production.  Mom, your leadership is vital because it takes more than education for success.

According to the National Center for Education Statistics between 2009 and 2013 

Unfortunately, while black women may be the most highly educated, a recent study found that black women make up just 8 percent of private sector jobs and less than 2 percent of leadership roles.


A greater percentage Black women are graduating from college, graduate and doctoral programs than any other ethnic groups but it is not translating to leadership. Your daughter will be the next generation of women with education and the communication skills she learns from you will provide the foundation for great communication at home and beyond.


If you need to create powerful, productive and compelling conversations that motivate between you and your daughter schedule a complimentary Big Girl Conversation Discovery Session by emailing janice.saunders89@gmail.com or  by           calling 917-678-5773

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Was there smoking in Wakanda?

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I am communicating health to my family by not smoking and pointing out articles about the death trap that smoking is for all Black people. It is among the top five causes of death in our people. I did not see anyone smoking in Wakanda, I guess they knew how bad tobacco was for health and just decided not to grow it.

You can decide not be around people who smoke and you can talk to your daughter about this very topic. Second hand smoke is dangerous and avoidable. Smoke irritates the eyes, worsens asthma, and makes your clothes and hair smell terrible. These are just the basics negatives of second hand smoke.

How expensive is it to smoke? When I said smoking was a death trap, I meant is so many ways. A pack of cigarettes is $15. Who can afford to smoke a pack a day, that is $5,475 a year. That is a vacation, college tuition money, or acupuncture. Anything but cigarettes, please.

In 2018 when it is a known fact that smoking kills, one of the top reasons people smoke is because they think it is cool and they see people in the movies smoking. I want to point out that there wasn’t anyone in Wakanda smoking. Another reason is peer pressure. I wouldn’t go so far as to say that all people who smoke are bad, President Obama smoked, but it goes without saying that he wished he had never taken that first inhale.

When you exercise, eat right and are moving towards something positive it is more difficult to begin smoking, so lest keep the girl we are mentors and Moms to busy exercising, eating healthy and moving towards something positive.

The women of Wakanda are a perfect example.

If you have been having trouble with beginning this conversation or any other “Big Girl Conversation” with your daughter, reach out. janicesaunder89@gmail.com



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Communicating Good Health

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Angela Bassett makes a point to exercises more often than not.  Part of her workout includes friends and their routine is walking around the Rose Bowl. According blackdoctor.org she keeps healthy living interesting by eating flavorful food that are organic.

You can be sure that walking is not all she does everyday, however, in reading about her and her commitment health at 59 she looks great and communicates confidence in her every step.

Isn’t this what you want for yourself and your daughter?

You may be thinking to yourself right about now that my life is not the life of Angela Basset. She is a working woman, a mother and wife just like you with family responsibilities. She is takes health seriously and it shows.

Today, think about who you can communicate with about your commitment to health that might be interested in developing a routine. For example, everyday you all may meet at 6:45am to walk a mile. You develop it. This communicates to everyone around you that you are serious about your health.


 Add more fresh foods.

Start talking to your daughter and let her know that while you are waiting on her to finish track practice you will be walking the parking lot, even when it is freezing. One of the greatest difficulties in keeping healthy eating and exercise front and center is scheduling. When to work out is a big issue thats why I love it when I hear parents are going for a walk while they wait for their children to complete an activity. Time and preparation are keys to success. Look at your schedule for the week on Sunday and call a friend who might be able to walk with you one day during the week. Then be ready, the next day when you are waiting for your daughter, have your walking shoes packed in your bag to take a walk.

It is not easy, but you can do it.

Reach out and schedule a complimentary Big Girl Conversations Discovery Session if you need a hand in communicating to others your commitment to health.  email me at janicesaunders89@gmail.com




You can do this because the facts are too severe not to begin communicating health today.


The Sad Truth

  • African American women have the highest rates of being overweight or obese compared to other groups in the U.S. About four out of five African American women are overweight or obese.
  • In 2015, African Americans were 1.4 times as likely to be obese as non- Hispanic whites.
  • In 2015, African American women were 60 percent more likely to be obese than non-Hispanic white women.
  • In 2011-2014, African American girls were 50% more likely to be overweight than non-Hispanic white girls.


You do more for your daughter by modeling good excretes and eating habits than by just telling her to eat right and exercise.

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One Fact one Tip and One Recipe

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Factgreen and red healthy food

African American Moms, yes I am talking to you. YOU only see the doctor when YOU are sick. You have to be well to take care of the family.



Get a health check up annually and know what the numbers mean. Know your blood pressure, cholesterol, hemoglobin A1C, and your body mass index (BMI).



Many of you know I enjoy cooking and sharing a good healthy recipe. If you have a great recipe please share it on Facebook so we can all try it.




Enjoy this soup, it has ingredients like ginger, turmeric and apple cider vinegar that you may not use in your everyday cooking but are delicious and good for you.

Stay tuned this week. I will be sharing One Fact, One Tip and One Recipe each day. Communicate with others about what you are learning and make one recipe with your daughter.

Real Communication equals living One Jazzy Life


If you would like to explore up-leveling your communication skills with your daughter reach out and be one of the first to snag my Big Girls Conversations Cheat Sheet. send me an email a biggirlconversations@gmail.com





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Communicate Good Health with your Actions

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Communicating good health has always been important in my life. Good health to me begins with breakfast. My son an I always eat breakfast together, it is a healthy habit that I have instilled in him. At twelve years old he would not think of leaving the house without eating cereal, fruit or  yogurt with a glass of fresh squeezed juice.

Think about your habits and how they impact your family. This post is not to get you doing what I am doing or what Tracee Ellis Ross is doing either. This post is strictly to remind you that you are your daughter first teacher. She will do what you do especially if it looks like it is working well for you.

As a new mom I used to get totally upset because my son was not eating pancakes and eggs everyday and each year we go to the doctor and she says WOW he is growing well. Then she ask him what he eats ( I am squirming in my seat) and he tells her and she is so proud of him. Meanwhile I would be waiting for the scolding but it never came.


If you want to improve your health keep focused on the facts and the tips I am presenting this month in honor of Cardiovascular Disease Awareness. Commit to yourself to get busy and do something different and enjoy it. Sometimes it amazes me what social scientist study, for example, the fact that  African American Children are healthier when the parents are healthier. Common sense should tell us this is true but this has been studied and it is a fact.


When you are healthier your children will be healthier as well. This I know is a desire you have.


My son wanted me to share one of his health tips this month so it will be revealed February 5th, I hope you like it. He an I talk about health because it is part of popular culture.  This year I went over my health goals with him and communicated with him about health goals he might have for himself and the health goals I have for him. My goals for him revolve around increasing the number of healthy foods he tries, I have no problem with him trying new cakes.


My health goal is to go to my dance class every week, my son always ask if I was able to attend class. He gives me my support hug and then goes back to his life.


What are your health goals this year and have you communicated these goals with your daughter? What are some health goals she has?


Stay tuned this month. I will be posting and sharing articles on talking to your daughter about the health outcomes of childhood obesity. It is not about not looking good in a prom dress it is about life and death.


Real communication equals living One Jazzy Life


If you wold like to explore unleveling your communication skills with your daughter at home so there is less door slamming and tears send me an email at biggirlconversations@gmail.com.


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RuPaul, Cookie Lyons and Communication

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Make Yourself Up as you go along is what Cookie has had to do after being released from jail. It is what we are charged with doing each day. You get to decide how and what you are going to communicate to the world and platforms like Facebook, Twitter and Instagram help you communicate the story.


Your daughter, like most girls already believes she is going to be the next, whoever, and you just like Cookie are actively listening to know exactly what she believes.


Do you remember what you wanted to be when you were in middle school and high school?


I wanted to be a magazine publisher like Susan Taylor and my parents knew this. My Dad was listening and gave me a gift to NYU Summer Publishing School when I graduated from graduate school.


The road map that my Mom helped me to create included college, graduate school, beginning my career and getting out on my own. What I love about RuPaul’s article title is that you get to Make Yourself Up as you go along. As you and your daughter check off milestones this year ask yourself the question how can I help her to position herself for the opportunities she desires using the communication tools available.

Download my complimentary map.

Creating a Road Map

Use the Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and other platforms to help her communicate what’s important. For example, download my complimentary roadmap and talk about critical success factors that need to occur this month for her to feel empowered and on the right track. Are there applications to summer programs that are due, personal statements to be written, homework due and parties to prepare for? The answer is a resounding yes and you Mom would not have it any other way.


Make Yourself Up is the key. If you notice your daughter is receiving the accolades in area that are not her first choice, keep her flexible so she can continue to Make Herself Up.  For example, your daughter has been chosen for an internship in digital set design because a teacher noticed she was “fooling around” with something in the library on her own time. This is the gold nugget that you can use to help her navigate the twist and turns of the road map using good communication skills.


Make Active Listening a part of the communication skills you are using at home and beyond. Then speak with your daughter about how she can use active listening in school, with friends, coaches and frenemies.


Good Communication is a must for living One Jazzy Life


don’t forget to grab your map

Creating a Road Map

Are you interested in how I can help you use solid foundational communication skills that reduce tears and stress during Big Girl Conversation? If so, schedule a thirty minute complementary Big Girl Conversations Discovery Session  today. by emailing me at biggerconversations@gmail.com.

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